The Junk Food of Writing

Sunday, May 07, 2006

To those who have the power, please rename this:


Please excuse the obligatory -- but, in the case, grotesque -- imagery. If you must, simple overlook it and misinterpret ever word which follows.

If you are an unfortunate individual, like myself, and occasionally wake up with a bit of gooey -- yet slightly hard -- bit of disgustingness in the corner of your eyes (as pictured above), then you will know how repulsive it is to scrape it out with your index finger. More vulgar than its color, squishiness and presence is its appelation. Unfortunately, there is no official name for it, so many use the crude slang words "eye boogers" to describe it. The other commonly used name is "crust," which is equally crass. Therefore, I beg anyone who has the influence to completely change the American vernacular to please give it a proper, and less tasteless term. So, please view this as a petition of some sort. Also, if any wonderful reader could tell me the scientific name (if one exists), I would be delighted.

Since classes/essays/exams ended this past Tuesday, and grades have been submitted and released, I have absolutely no responsibilites. Normally, I would be looking (or forced to look) for a job at this moment, but I decided to stay in Boston for another two weeks before heading back home to the exotic land known as New Jersey (I have decided to be a waiter this summer and find an internship when I return from Europe next summer). This has left me with an absurdly large amount of time to live a structureless life and do whatever pleases me. This, of course, is very, very dangerous. Simply put, I am confused by such freedom. Without a schedule, rigid or loose, I fear I may be leading a vacuous existence. Therefore, I try to kept myself occupied. In some cases, 'occupied' means spending time writing an entry about eye boogers.

Below, in bullets, are events I have partaken in within the past five days, due to my excessive, yet oddly welcome, amount of free time:

  • Had a picnic on the Boston Common with friends, where we played Wiffleball, ate hummus and fried dough, drank strawberry lemonade, and mocked tourists.
  • Ate 19 cheap Fla.Vor.Ice ice pops (and I am currently gnawing on an ice pop of the grape/purple variation -- yes, I am quite the multi-tasker).
  • Read my favorite playwright's (Edward Albee) adaptation of my favorite novel (Nabakov's Lolita).
  • Watched 6 films.
  • Finished a bottle of red wine by myself (in the company of others, of course -- I haven't gone that far off the deep end).
  • Wore my cheap black-and-white checkered sandals and walked in them for more than 100 feet -- and survived.
  • Misread 'sexiest' as 'sexist'...twice.
  • Listened to Modern English's new-wave "I Melt With You," which transcends 80's cheese, 16 times (its play-count on my iTunes is currently 137).
  • Witnessed a colorful sunset from the roof of my apartment building.
  • Went to Scientology service and stayed in the Scientology center (which looked uncannily similar to 111 Archer Ave. from The Royal Tenenbaums) for an extra three hours, where my friends and I watched two orientation videos, took a stress test, and filled out a personality survey (which told me I am a terrible human being and should seek improvement through the answers which Scientology will provide for me -- none of which they even slightly disclosed).
  • Walked at least 10 miles without the intention of walking a long distance.
  • Woke up without eye boogers/eye crust/[less uncouth name to be determined].
I am so accomplished.

8 Comments:

  • Sigh. I'm so envious of all you people who have completed all school responsibilities. My friends have been done for three weeks and ventured into starting their summer goals, which infuriates me. I have an exam on Tuesday (yeah, that's right - my two exams were scheduled on the first and last days of the testing period), and I just want it all to be over. It has been difficult to enjoy any social outing or personal whim without feeling guilty or carefree. The only upside is that we have been provided the essay questions beforehand, which may sound incredibly easy, but the reality is that the expectations are that much higher.

    Then again, it's not like I'll be done with everything after Tuesday. I'm taking an LSAT Preparation Course, which will take up a lot of my time. And then a job on top of all that. I hate being organized and responsible all of a sudden.

    Re: Eye boogers - The term I found is Rheum, which means "a watery or thin mucous discharge from the eyes or nose." Then again, I think you were looking for the word that describes the substance after it has hardened and solidified. Also popular is "Eye Sweat".

    Well, it's not so much popular as it is something I made up just now. Like it?

    By Blogger Ali, at 11:57 PM  

  • Ewww, 'discharge' is one of my least favorite words.

    Nonetheless, thank you for providing me with 'Rheum' (pronounced like "room," I assume). I'll try it out someday soon -- if those little bastards ever appear again.

    "Eye sweat" still sounds too crass. I dislike the idea of my eyes perspiring.

    As for your work, good luck with the LSATs; I had forgotten that you were interested in becoming a lawyer. I, apparently, am not very responsible -- according to my personality test at the Scientology center. With zero being normal and above zero being 'good,' I scored a -56.

    Perhaps I will disclose all of my scores in my next entry -- which will be Scinetology-themed.

    By Blogger Nick M., at 11:31 AM  

  • So I am intensely jealous as well, though I'm only about 48 hours away from being done. Well, not really, I suppose-the graduation festivities begin after that.

    But what is this time in Europe that you speak of? I demand details.

    By Anonymous jesse, at 4:19 AM  

  • The second semester of the next academic year (Spring 2007), I will be in Europe. My university runs a program in which students reside in a castle in the Netherlands (easter --- ten miles from the border of Germany). There are mandatory trips asround Europe, but since my university is aware of our curiousity and craving for adventure, they include a Free EuroRail Pass in the package. Therefore, we can travel around Europe on our four-day weekends (or on the two two-week-long breaks we have).

    My friend went this past semester -- I believe his country count hit 14.

    By Blogger Nick M., at 12:18 PM  

  • Ew, eye discharge!

    I have three more days of school left and I graduate (little me is still in high school!) on the 23rd. I can't stand lack of structure, so I think I will get a job. Working in a restaurant will probably be the easiest thing to get, but I fear I am not social enough.

    By Blogger Kathleen, at 8:16 AM  

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